Doing Better

This next month will be huge for me. I have lots of prayer requests, and I'll be finding out answers soon.

First, will Jamie get a job this school year?

Second, will I be pregnant?

Third, did I pass a huge test I took a few weeks ago?

I have to continually lift up these requests to God. I try not to think about them and leave them in God's hands, but they slowly try to overwhelm my mind and consume my time each day.

I know that things will all work out in a way that's best for me and Jamie.

Luke 10:19

¹⁹I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.

I don't like snakes and scorpions, but I like this scripture. It makes me feel empowered.

Vicki Yohe ~ "My Soul Cries Out"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJVvHOY-B4

Selfish

I should have titled my last post, "I'm selfish." I thought about deleting it, but it was very honest, and some people need honesty. However, it's still selfish.

I cry.

This is not easy. It never has been.

Today, I'm going to be honest.

I still have pain. I cry often, and I mourn daily. Now, that we are trying again, the pain hits harder each month that I realize I'm not pregnant.

Also, it's hard to hear about other people being pregnant. Yes, I'm happy for them, but I still cry.

I wish I could make the dark cloud of "Why" go away. [Yes, I pray for all the pain to go away, but I still cry!]

Here's the truth.

My beautiful mom has been single for eight years, and she hasn't found Mr. Right! Why? I don't know, but sometimes she cries.

My husband graduated last year and still doesn't have a job. Why? I don't know, but sometimes I think he cries inside.

I'm too impatient to wait on God's perfect time to have a baby. Why? I'm crazy! I know God's time is the right time, but I still cry!!!

So, as you can see, I'm having a hard time right now.

However, this is what I know.

I know people have it a lot harder than me, and I'm being selfish. I know that I should be thankful more for EVERYTHING I do have, but I still cry, and I don't know why.

Dear Jesus,

Please forgive me, and don't let me eat one more calorie loaded thing from my kitchen! Next time I weigh myself, I'll cry!

Amen.