I cry.

This is not easy. It never has been.

Today, I'm going to be honest.

I still have pain. I cry often, and I mourn daily. Now, that we are trying again, the pain hits harder each month that I realize I'm not pregnant.

Also, it's hard to hear about other people being pregnant. Yes, I'm happy for them, but I still cry.

I wish I could make the dark cloud of "Why" go away. [Yes, I pray for all the pain to go away, but I still cry!]

Here's the truth.

My beautiful mom has been single for eight years, and she hasn't found Mr. Right! Why? I don't know, but sometimes she cries.

My husband graduated last year and still doesn't have a job. Why? I don't know, but sometimes I think he cries inside.

I'm too impatient to wait on God's perfect time to have a baby. Why? I'm crazy! I know God's time is the right time, but I still cry!!!

So, as you can see, I'm having a hard time right now.

However, this is what I know.

I know people have it a lot harder than me, and I'm being selfish. I know that I should be thankful more for EVERYTHING I do have, but I still cry, and I don't know why.

Dear Jesus,

Please forgive me, and don't let me eat one more calorie loaded thing from my kitchen! Next time I weigh myself, I'll cry!

Amen.